A Little Secret

I am going to let you in on a little secret.

Yes, I realize how that sounds.  This blog is social media and I do plan to encourage friends and strangers, alike, to read about my secret.

But, to me, it still feels like I am really just opening up and sharing/admitting my little secret with friends.

Here it is.

Here is my secret:

I am tired of being frugal.

I am tired of being cheap.

I am tired of NOT spending money.

Most of the time, that is just me, being me though.

I have always been more of a saver than a spender.  I have always liked to think about things before spending money on them.  I have always been someone that puts things back when I am in a store....and usually, I am shopping at thrift stores and not regular people stores.

I have been like this even when I "had more money".  It really is just part of who I am at my core.

But, sometimes, oh sometimes, when I see other people nonchalantly buying things, or going out to eat, or supporting some other kids' fundraiser.....I wish I was different.  I look longingly at what I perceive to be their way of operating in the world.....and wish I could be more like them.

Last week, I did something out of character.  I went to a coffee shop. I went for two reasons.  One was to meet with a friend and chat and the other was to try to get some writing done for a project I am working on.  Usually, I can do a fine job writing from home with all the chaos and hub-bub involved. But, for this project, I am having a hard time (probably because the project itself scares me - because it is very public and has a lot riding on it).  But, anyway, I called my friend, asked her if she wanted to meet me there...and ended up with about 45 minutes of actual, uninterrupted time to write.

Because of that one trip to a coffee shop, I realized a few things.

• Coffee shop coffee is yummy.

• Coffee shop coffee is expensive.

• My butt is too big for the chairs at the coffee shop.  They are cute, industrial looking things.  They are paired with big, chunky repurposed old wood tables.  They look totally cute.  They are totally uncomfortable.

• I also learned that the little backless stools that they leave stacked up near the cute tables/chairs do, in fact, hold my butt.  But, (pun intended) they are NOT very comfortable either.

But, even with my uncomfy butt issues, I enjoyed myself.  I sipped my $3.76 mocha with whipped cream for a long time.  My coffee shop has fresh baked goods too.  But, I just couldn't bring myself to do it.  I had already spent a billion times more on a coffee than I needed to.  I didn't need to add insult to injury and spend more that I would need to justify in our next budget discussion.

This is where my own sense of wishing I was a different person snuck in.

Sometimes, I just want to be able to spend money.  Sometimes, I wish I was one of "those" people who didn't think about money all the time.

The kind of person who can easily splurge and treat my friends to coffee....or lunch.....or a just because present.  Sigh.

There are many, many times I have been happy that I am not a free spender.  That I am happy shopping at garage sales and thrift stores.  Really.

But, oh, sometimes, I want to be the lady that goes to the coffee shop every week....for coffee AND fresh baked goods.  Or, the lady that treats herself to lunch out.  Or gets a massage.  Or runs through the drive through for a Chic-Fil-A shake and fries and doesn't have to think/over think about the money.  It is exhausting to constantly have money on the brain.

I have already decided that the coffee shop thing is going to become a little more regular, because I got a lot done.  I have also decided I am going to head to the comfy back room - even if there are already other people there.  The introvert in me needs to put on some big girl panties and deal.....and my butt deserves better!

Wish me luck.....