I Have Decided Something....

I have made a discovery about myself.  I am not a good enough housekeeper to be a "real" stay at home mom. 

You see, for my whole adult life, I have always worked outside of the home.  Many times I had more than one job....either one full time and an additional part time job....or numerous part time jobs that I could arrange around the schedule of my husband and kids. 

That is, until we moved to Georgia.

We moved to Georgia when V-Girl was just 3 weeks old.  I was traumatized by the move, leaving my family, having a new baby and moving across country, still being puffy....I think you get the idea.  Getting a job was not even close to the top of my priority list.

We had always worked my jobs where one of us was basically home with the kids....with a few exceptions...so, I still considered myself a stay at home mom....but just one who also worked part time. 

I had decided that when we moved, I would try to embrace the stay at home-ness of my new situation and see what I thought.  Would I like it?  Could we afford it?  Well, time has told the tale that, at this moment, we really can't afford it...lots of credit card debt from the move to pay off, etc., etc. 

So, I made the decision that I would just get a fabulous, high-paying job that I can carefully craft to my individual needs and desires and still take off when we want to take a family vacation, right? 

Wrong.

Nobody wants to even talk to me. Honestly, I haven't sent out too many resumes.  I can tell that they aren't going to let me show how I can do the job well, spend lots of time homeschooling my kids and take a road trip when we feel like it. Maybe I shouldn't pre-judge what they will think - but I feel like I am saving myself the awkward conversation later about what hours I actually want to work.

Once again, I didn't realize how good I had it in Minnesota.  I had work connections with people who knew me before children and who had trusted me enough to see if I was still capable of working as hard after children.  I was.  I even had bosses who understood that when it came down to it.....family should come first.  I had bosses who trusted me to work from home, so I could still be with my children, kiss the boo-boos, microwave the chicken nuggets for lunch, and still meet the deadlines.

I had it great.

Here, no one knows me.  I am an outsider from Minnesota.  Not sure if seeing that all my experience is from Minnesota is a consideration....but I have applied for jobs that really seemed perfect for me....and I hear nothing.  Maybe it is the economy.  Maybe it isn't.  Maybe it is me.  Maybe I have an old fashioned resume.  Maybe I don't have the latest version of Word/Excel listed on it.  I don't know.

There is a part of me that has been loving "just" being a stay at home mom.  No deadlines.  No putting the kids off because mommy has to meet a deadline, so I can't read/snuggle/tuck-in/watch Dora for the thousandth time.  But, there is also a part of me that misses being with adults.  Part of me misses knowing that I am really good at something.  Part of me misses having "my own" money.  Part of me misses getting a break from the children.

But, really, what I have probably noticed the most.....part of me misses having the excuse of being a working stay at home mom....so that pile of junk in the corner can be ignored a little longer....the dishes piled up on the counter can be ignored a little longer....the fact that my footsteps are crunchy because someone spilled cereal on the floor and left it, can be ignored a little longer....BUT, I don't have that excuse anymore.

Now, I really am a stay at home mom, no extra jobs, no extra money, just the job of keeping the house in order, food on the table and making a peaceful haven for my hubby to come home to....all on a smaller budget. 

That is a lot of pressure.....I think more than meeting the deadlines of my past.